It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
