Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
