Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
