whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
