The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
