I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
