I haven't been this sober since birth.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize