I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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