he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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