In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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