So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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