There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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