Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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