He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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