I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
