when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
