she looked like the before picture.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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