And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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