shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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