he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I puked a lego.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
