somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
