How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
