i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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