They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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