could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
