Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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