Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
