She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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