She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
