he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
