Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
