They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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