I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Your cock deserves a montage
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
