the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
