I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
