it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
