What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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