help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize