so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
