brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
