I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
