My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
