I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
