where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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