Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
