Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
