He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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