I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
