she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
