shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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