drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
