You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
