toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
