He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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