You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
