Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
