I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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