Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
