I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
