so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
