you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
