Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
