I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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