I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
