You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
