So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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