My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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