I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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