so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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