there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
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win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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