My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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