My friends, they love my intelligence
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
