the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
