Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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