a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
