Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
