3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I want to fling myself into the sun
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
