Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize