A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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