My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
As shirtless as possible
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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