I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
